PickUp Line

Excuse me, you dropped something. My jaw.

LOL

Me: I cleaned all the dishes
Mom: aren't you going to put them away too?
Me: you have to upgrade from the trial version to the full version

Sarcasm

tired isn't even a feeling for me anymore,
it has become a personality trait.

LOL

The best part about being a procrastinator, is that you always have something to do tomorrow.

LOL

If I actually "Spoke my mind," I'd get set on fire a lot.

LOL

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years.
Dogs run and they live for 15 years.
Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years.

Lesson learned.

LOL

I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I keep to myself.

Sarcasm

A musclular martial artist, equipped with weapons worth billions fights against a thin homeless person who puts on a horrid make-up with several crippling mental disorders.
Just another prospective of the Dark Knight.

Truth

Never apologize for the way you way feel, it's like saying sorry for being real.

Sarcasm

You’re the jelly to my burger
the knife to my soup
the glitter to my sushi
and the ketchup to my icecream
My point is, you’re worthless

LOL

Always be yourself!

Unless you can be Batman.

Then be Batman.

LOL

Everyone: if you keep listening to your music so loudly you'll be deaf by the time you're 20....
Me: what??

LOL

My voice sounds great when I'm singing with my earphones on, Then I take them off and I realize I sound like a dying walrus.

Sarcasm

Promises are the sweetest lies.

LOL

I didn't give a fuck until I drank Red Bull. Now I don't give a flying fuck.