Dark Humor INC.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

If steroids are illegal for athletes, then Photoshop should be illegal for models.

I came, I saw. I cleared the browser history.

Ordered 4 drinks at McDonald's so they wouldn't think all 50 chicken nuggets were for me.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

if karma doesn't hit you i will

Twinkle twinkle little star, I wanna hit you with my car. Throw you off a cliff so high, hope you break your neck and die.

HIStory: Because HERstory would just be gossip.

If teachers have substitutes why can't I?

Zombies eat brains, you're safe.

Apparently I skipped the part in puberty where I get really attractive.

At least gravity is attracted to me.

I'm like 25% funny and 85% bad at math

my motto is “if it takes more than 5 minutes to cook i’d rather starve"