Sarcasm

LOL

Dear Officer, I'm not slurring my speech, I'm talking in cursive. Sincerely, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

OH burn!

LOL

KILL THAT BITCH!

rofl...truestory

Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.

ROFL

True Story

Me: I'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
Wakes up February 5th, 2098.

Burn

EVIL

My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.

Sarcasm

True

Irony

Sarcasm....A lil too much!

Sarcasm

LOL

Sarcasm

Sarcasm

ROFL

TRUE

Be careful whose toes you step on
today because they might be
connected to the foot that kicks your
ass tomorrow.

Truestory

LOL

I'm into golf now. I'm getting pretty good. I can almost hit the ball as far as I can throw the clubs.

ROFL

OHH....

INDEED

Laughing is the best medicine. But if you're laughing for no reason, you need medicine.

Trolled

Sarcasm

SAD

Oh, you got a 97 on a test and your upset about it?
Here, use my 56 to dry your tears.

Grammar Nazi

ROFL

ROFL

ROFL

Ways to make your woman happy:
1. Cook for her.
2. Surprise her with hugs & kisses.
3. Hide a lion in her apartment, then rescue her.

LOL

No, please don't ask me to be honest about yourself - I don't want you to leave a suicide note blaming me

SAD

LOL

LOL...Truestory.

LOL

Exactly

A naked iPhone is so beautiful but too risky.

LOL

You're about as useful as a red light on Grand Theft Auto.

True

Not even things like Paranormal Activity, Shootings, Bomb attacks, Or failing a class Is more terrifying than seeing 5 missed calls from mom

ROFL

True

Not having to set an alarm for the next day is one of the best feelings in the world.

True

True

it's getting to that point in the school year where even copying someone's homework is too much to handle

Oh...BURN

EPIC

She texted me: "Your adorable."
I replied: "No .YOU'RE adorable."
Now she likes me.
All I did was point out her typo.

LOL...What?

LOL

Warning: I just get weirder.

Shades of chandler bing

LOL

I've been trying to figure out how long "forever" is... and by looking at some people's relationships, it's around 3 to 6 weeks.

LOL

Plot twist: a cup of Starbucks takes a selfie while holding a white girl.

Crude

If you pull out my earphones i will pull out your lungs.

True

TRUE

LOL

Sometimes when I cook, I use too much oil. I'm afraid the U.S. will invade my kitchen.

Truestory

When women say "I'm ready to go..." that usually means they're about half-way done.

ROFL

Haha...That Man!

LOL

Avoid hangovers. Stay drunk.

Indeed

"Pay attention to me when I'm ignoring you" -women

EPIC

Rofl

Grammar Nazi

LOL

I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?"
As if the bad guy is gonna be like, "Yeah, I'm in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?

True

In School, we were told that we have one face, two hands, two legs, two eyes and two ears but they were wrong about the face.

Titanic Troll

Grammar NAZI

EPIC

LOL

Truestory

Best friends don't let you do stupid things... alone

Crude

Too bad you can't wear those Instagram filters out in public huh, you regular ass bitch.

LOL...Epic