New Year Resolution

I will not Snooze my alarms this year.

LOL...In The FACE

you're all that matters to me
lol......
just kidding unless you're pizza

TRUE

Sarcasm

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

LOL....True

True

LOL

Rofl

LOL

I don’t know how all these teenagers sneak out at night I’m too lazy to even get out of bed

TRUE

LOL,Epic

Sarcasm

Deep

LOL

Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button.

LOL

LOL

My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror.

True

Sarcasm

Truestory

WHAT IT SAYS: "Do not touch."
WHAT I READ: "Touch when nobody is looking.

LOL...True

"It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game." -Losers

LOL

People who can plug a usb in on the first try must really have their life together.

Sarcasm

True

LOL....cute

LOL

If you drink enough alcohol, your brain starts Photoshopping people for you.

Crude.

She broke my heart...So I broke her jaw.

LOL....What?

LOL

TRUE

True

Isn’t it creepy that from the day you are born you start to die

Awesomeness

True

True

Bad bitch

Genius....but why?

TRUE

Still waiting for the day that I will actually use x² + y +8 [(x + 2y ² = a-z] + 2x ³ + (- 2z = 2. 4) + 10y - 5Z ³= k= 9

ROFL

Dexter FTW

LOL...TRUE

EPIC.

LOL

Rofl

Exactly

Sarcasm

TRUE

In The Nutshell.

Truestory

Oh a spider. You are tiny. I am a great big person. I am a grown up. I can handle this. You are tiny. I am a great big pe--- OMG IT MOVED!!

Facepalm

EPIC

Sarcasm

TRUE

TRUE

IDIOTS

LOL

OH....Burn

IN-THE-FACE

Sarcasm

That annoying moment when you're trying to look at advertisements, but a bunch of YouTube videos keep popping up.

LOL....Sherlock!

True

LOL

I believe in dragons, Santa, women that don't complain, fairies, and other fantasy creatures…

LOL

LOL

"Ill take a vodka."
"sir, this is McDonalds."
"ok, ill take a McVodka... and supersize it."

LOL...True

ROFL

That Face

LOL....accurate

TrueStory

Understanding women is not a mystery. When you're wrong, you apologize and when she's wrong, you apologize.

LOL...true